The Incredible Shrinking Toilet Paper!

I told my wife that someone is sneaking into our home and using our bathrooms. She didn’t answer but she did look at me just like my fourth grade teacher did when I told her, my dog ate my homework.

“No, really. We are blowing through toilet paper like we are vacationing in Mexico.” (If you are a liberal you won’t know that is a joke because liberals don’t have a sense of humor, but then, liberals don’t read my blog, it scares them.) But I digress.

I, unlike politicians, believe in logic. The problem? We were using a LOT of toilet paper. The answer? Investigate the problem. So I did. Using a non-metric ruler (only doctors and pussies use centimeters and stupid Celsius), I measured across that cardboard tube in the middle of a toilet paper roll. It really didn’t take a ruler. Just my eyes told me the tube is twice as large as it used to be. So, by making the tube BIGGER it took less paper to make the roll appear bigger. Remember when toilet paper used to list 250 sheets or maybe 300 sheets? They don’t do that anymore. So you are paying the same price for less toilet paper than in the good old days. Actually, in the really good old days, the toilet was a privy and the paper was a page from the Sears Roebuck catalog. Remember when a five cent Baby Ruth candy bar was as big as your forearm? No, of course not. You are much too young. Take my word for it. Hard to believe, but true.

Less paper for the same money is the way manufacturers try to hide inflation. Inflation rises when the government (yes, OUR government) spends more money than it takes in. So they have a deficit or debt. But to cover that debt, they just print more money and inflation skyrockets. That’s simplistic but it’s the easiest way to explain it. If you hadn’t noticed, the government is tricky. For years that same government told us the inflation rate was 4%. They lied. In computing the inflation rate they deliberately left out the cost of cars and houses. So the actual rate was about 11 to 14%. Now they tell us it is 7% and it is really about 20%.

That means your dollar you work for is not worth 100 pennies, it is only worth about 80 pennies. So obviously you are going to have to fork over more dollars for everything you buy. Most people see this at the grocery store or the gas pump. “It used to cost twenty bucks to fill my tank, now it costs thirty-six.” (You do the math.)

Inflation is like Cousin Vinnie. He was skinny as a rat, but he ate like a starving Ugandan. Your boss gives you a 3% raise. Cool! But inflation is (theoretically) 7% so you really got a 4% cut in your buying power and that is what counts.

There is no painless way to curb runaway inflation. And that is what our DC regime is causing. Spending more money, than you take in, is never a good idea. Ask your banker at the receivership hearing when they take away your house because you couldn’t pay the mortgage.

I wish I could leave you with some hope. But only a change in government, which is currently spending like a drunken sailor, can stop it and they won’t do that. Inflation is only going to get worse. You can’t tell the credit card company that the dog ate your money. But you can buy more toilet paper. It’s a good investment.

About johnbeckmanbooks

John Beckman, a retired meteorologist, was known as “Johnny the Weatherman” in a career that spanned forty years. He forecasted the weather on WSJS-TV in Winston-Salem, NC, at WFGA-TV in Jacksonville, FL, and for thirty-three years in Atlanta at WSB-TV and WXIA-TV. Also a well published author Beckman now devotes full time to writing fiction. He currently has several eBooks on, "Tropical Knights," first in a series of adventure/mysteries about a sailor and his lovely CIA cohort on a mission to save America. Now available the sequel, and second in the series: "Tropical Daze." The third Jack & Amy adventure is "Tropical Rage" which became available on 30 April 2014. All of his books are highlighted on and available from . .
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