Do you ever wonder what God put you on earth for? What purpose did He intend for us to fulfill? As I look back over my life (old people do that, you know) I question what He had in mind for me. I’m sure He didn’t intend for me to be a saxophone player because He didn’t give me the God-given talent that good musicians have. He didn’t intend for me to be a radio DJ or a TV weatherman because anybody can do that. (Just look at local TV and listen to local radio and my point is proven.) I know I haven’t been a good father or grandfather or great grandfather, because I’ve never felt adequate for those jobs. He didn’t put me here to write novels to entertain people because he also put “romance writers” here and they are the only ones who become a success and make a lot of money. He didn’t intend for me to be a recovering alcoholic, although He has kept me sober for the last 38 years.
I wasn’t very good at being a husband either because I divorced two women before I found one who truly loved me for just being me. And that’s a laugh. When my wife married me, my career was ending, my former wife and her father had taken all my money, and I had no prospects of a new and profitable career. When I think of it, and looking at my track record, I wonder why she decided that I might be a good choice as a husband. I do thank God for sending me the wonderful woman who has been my wife for the last 25 years. But even there I’ve failed because I have nothing really to leave for her when I die except a house that’s paid for, a vacant lot on Lake Hartwell and a few copyrights. That’s a pitiful legacy, isn’t it?
I do pray. Every morning I thank God for getting ne through another night and I ask Him, “Let’s try for another day.” And before I go to sleep I ask Him to please allow me into heaven if He chooses to take me in the night.
But I have also asked Him to show me a purpose for being here. What doesHe want me to do? And although I am always open to His guidance I ask for a sign of whatHe put me here for and, so far, I haven’t seen that. I’m not whining. I don’t regret my life, I just don’t feel that I’ve done the job He wanted me to do.
I really would hate to leave this earth (and being realistic, at my age I know that can’t be too long in coming) without fulfilling whatever it is that God put me here for. Do other people have the same doubts that I have? Do you have the same misgivings? Are there more like me sort of wandering through life like a ship without a rudder? I am perplexed and God, if you read blogs, this is my plea – show me the way, and I will follow wherever the path leads. But you’d better speed it up a little, because the sand in life’s hourglass is moving very fast.