Atlanta, USA

Until Hillary releases another 60,000 emails let’s take time out from politics for some fun.

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, has ever lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta.

Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.

All directions start with, “Go down Peachtree” and include the phrase, “When you see the Waffle House.” Except that in Cobb County, where all directions begin with, “Go to the Big Chicken.”

Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with:

Peachtree Circle

Peachtree Place

Peachtree Lane

Peachtree Road

Peachtree Parkway

Peachtree Run

Peachtree Terrace

Peachtree Avenue

Peachtree Commons

Peachtree Battle

Peachtree Corners

New Peachtree

Old Peachtree

West Peachtree

Peachtree-Dunwoody

Peachtree-Chamblee

Peachtree Industrial Boulevard

Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. Don’t waste time asking anyone for directions.

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke’s all they drink so don’t ask for another soft drink unless it’s made by Coca-Cola. Even if you drink something other than a Coca-Cola, it’s still called Coke. There’s a rumor that there is a soft drink called “Pepsi Cola” but nobody has ever seen one.

The 8 AM rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM.

The 5 PM rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM, except Friday. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday afternoon at 3 PM and lasts through 2 am Saturday.

Only a native of Atlanta can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is “pawntz duh LEE-awn.”

And yes, they have a street named simply, “Boulevard.”

The falling of one raindrop causes Atlanta drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it’s on all the TV channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper and beer.

I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta, which has a posted speed limit of 65 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to truckers as “The Watermelon 500.”

Don’t believe the directional markers on highways: I-285 is marked East and West but you may be going North or South. The locals identify the direction by referring to the “Inner Loop” and the “Outer Loop.”

If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.

Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.

The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a couple no one has seen before.

If you notice a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have  20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu, another ill-advised “import,” like the Carp, Starling, English Sparrow, and other ‘exotic wonders’.

It’s not a shopping cart, it’s a buggy.

Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re 2 years old.

If you understand that these are not jokes; but are actual truisms about a city that is “Too busy to hate” but still has plenty of time for daily drive by shootings.

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About johnbeckmanbooks

John Beckman, a retired meteorologist, was known as “Johnny the Weatherman” in a career that spanned forty years. He forecasted the weather on WSJS-TV in Winston-Salem, NC, at WFGA-TV in Jacksonville, FL, and for thirty-three years in Atlanta at WSB-TV and WXIA-TV. Also a well published author Beckman now devotes full time to writing fiction. He currently has several eBooks on Amazon.com, "Tropical Knights," first in a series of adventure/mysteries about a sailor and his lovely CIA cohort on a mission to save America. Now available the sequel, and second in the series: "Tropical Daze." The third Jack & Amy adventure is "Tropical Rage" which became available on 30 April 2014. All of his books are highlighted on http://johnbeckmanbooks.com and available from Amazon.com. . .
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1 Response to Atlanta, USA

  1. 41 Chevrolet Charles Norton says:

    Johnny, You are the only Weather man!! I drove a truck for 30 years and I always checked the weather by you see how to dress and how many apples and crackers to take with me You never let me down and there are 1000,s of others that did the same. Keep the shiney side up and the rubber side down. P.S. Watch out for the one you don’t see!

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