Man, I cannot wait for 2016! I am going to get to go back to college free. And I don’t have to pay off the interest on my student loans. Wait…if I get to go to college free…what loans? Well, forget about that. Anyway, I am also going to get free health care and food stamps and free housing. I already have a house, so I guess I can just sell it and take the free house. I’m also not too keen on going back to school at my age, but heck, who can turn down free stuff?
And the great part about this is that YOU will also get everything free. I know this because I heard Hillary say it, and God knows, Hillary has never told a lie. So life is going to be sweet! And those filthy rich people are going to get theirs. Ha! Just because they worked and got a lot of money is no reason they should keep it, when I need a lot of free stuff. People in Greece have been getting tons of free stuff off the rich people for a long time now, so we’re way overdue for our fair share. Why should a bunch of Greeks have it better than us? What have they ever done for the world, except grow olives. And then they stick that little piece of red pimento down in ‘em. Big fricking deal!
There is just one problem to Hillary’s plan so far. Jose’, who has been taking care of my lawn for the last ten years is quitting. I pay him $70 a week to mow and blow and I keep him on the payroll through the winter just because he is a nice guy. Yeah, he is here illegally, but Hillary doesn’t care about something as minor as that. Why should he be deprived of all the free stuff just because he’s not a citizen? I do hate to lose him, but he says he will be better off with all the free stuff than my lousy $70 so he’s leaving as soon as Hillary takes over. He’s not sure what he will study in free college, because he doesn’t speak English, but he is leaning toward pre-med and could become a brain surgeon. He already knows how to use hedge clippers.
What puzzles me is this: Why can’t the Republicans come up with a great plan like this? Are they just dumb or something? I guess Hillary is just smarter and knows how to get all the free stuff for us. Yep, it is going to be great! Obama can’t hold a candle to Hillary when it comes to getting us everything free. Hell, all he got us was a free iPhone.
I just hope my free house is big enough to hold all the free stuff. And Hillary didn’t mention where I had to go to pick up the free stuff. Well, I’m not going to worry about it. If they can’t deliver it, I’m sure that Hillary will get us a free car. I think I’d like a Mercedes. They have that neat little ring ornament on the hood. 2016! I can’t wait. Harvard, here I come!