I think this is my 290th post and I’m quitting when I hit 300 so you don’t have to put up with this nonsense much longer. But before I go, I just don’t want there to be any confusion. There are a lot of “Beckmans” out there. I am not Joshua Beckman who wrote, “Selected Poems.” I am not Gary Beckman who wrote (I’m not kidding) “The SBL handbook of style for ancient near eastern biblical and early Christian studies.” No, don’t even ask me. I am not the John Beckman who wrote “”American Fun: Four centuries of joyous fun,” although I would like to have been around for THAT party.
I am not the John Beckman who co-authored the book on Solar Energy, although I am for energy of any kind, and I wish I had some. I am not the John P. Beckman who wrote “Home Brewing made Easy” even though I had several whiskey distilleries working overtime in my younger years. I am not the John Beckman who wrote “Winter Zoo” which appears to be John’s only adventure into writing. I am not John C. Beckman who wrote “Williams Hebrew Syntax.” I’m not the John L. Beckman who wrote “Paid Surveys that Work” because none of them do work. I am not the Mary F. Beckman who wrote “Papers in Laboratory Phonology” nor am I the Martha J. Beckman who wrote “Meditations to make you Smile,” even though it sounds like a good idea.
No, I am none of those Beckmans. I am John Farlow Beckman and I will have you know that the first Farlows came to America in 1627 two years after Jamestown, VA was founded. And the most famous of them was “Blackjack Farlow” who harassed the British so much that they hanged him. (I think I take after him because I’ve harassed many a TV News Director who were as big an assholes as the British ever were.)
So if you are looking for Meditations or Solar Energy or Hebrew Translations you will have to hunt up one of those other Beckmans. If you’re looking for me, look for John “F” Beckman. Especially, if you owe me money.