I usually try to orient this blog toward the best methods of fiction writing. I like to offer tips and hints of things that have helped me write believable adventure/thriller/mysteries. But today I am going to turn that procedure on its head. Because, actually, you can learn how to write well by NOT doing the wrong things. Here’s a review of book currently on Amazon as an ebook:
How not to write a novel:
1. Figure out plot.
2. Make all characters one-dimensional cardboard cutouts with no depth.
3. Do historical research by watching a few episodes of Mad Men.
4. Move cardboard characters s-l-o-w-l-y through boring plot.
5. All sentences, metaphors, similes, descriptions, etc. shall be written in plodding, pedestrian, really dull prose.
How did this thing ever get a publisher?
Awful, just awful.
I couldn’t have done a better job myself of advising you of how to write a real loser of a novel. So all you have to do is make sure you DO NOT follow the plan laid out above. I can promise you that if you stay clear of any of those pitfalls, nobody will review your work with “Awful, just awful.”