Captain “X’s” Rules for Life

Over the years, because of my work, I was privileged to meet and know a number of Delta Airline’s Captains and First Officers. I considered this an honor and I treasure the memories of those relationships. I think those who hold those positions now would more or less concede that their job currently (other than emergency procedures) is mostly as “systems monitors” since modern airliners can literally take off from America and land almost anywhere around the modern world controlled from take off to landing by computers, unless the crew decides to over-ride the systems.

That was not true in “the olden days” and I was once quite friendly with what might be described best as a “crusty character,” who was an excellent Captain but had come up through the ranks. He carried thousands of passengers millions of miles safely and retired with dignity and the admiration of those with whom he worked. He earned his wings the old-fashioned way through hard work and tenacity and developed into a man with a mind of his own about life and its vicissitudes. He once gave me his “Eleven Rules for Life.” I won’t reveal his name to protect him from the feminatzis but here are his “Rules.”

  1. “Every man needs a woman, BUT there is no specific woman a man cannot live without.”
  2. “Never marry a woman you can’t fart in front of.”
  3. “I don’t care what you do for a living as long as you don’t hurt anyone.”
  4. “Never call your wife’s lawyer a cocksucker (even if she is one).”
  5. “Alimony is your Tuition of life.”
  6. “All women are different but all wives are the same.”
  7. “No one ever said that life was fair.”
  8. “If your wife finds you screwing around, she will forgive you. If your girl friend finds you screwing around she will cut your balls off.”
  9. “The first step to divorce is marriage.”
  10. “Call all women ‘Babe’ and you never have to worry about talking in your sleep.”
  11. “Even the most beautiful of women, someone else has tired of.”

Now I won’t say I agree with all of “Captain X’s” rules for life, but you know from this list who is the man in his house, and I will guarantee that nobody can accuse him of being pussy whipped.

About johnbeckmanbooks

John Beckman, a retired meteorologist, was known as “Johnny the Weatherman” in a career that spanned forty years. He forecasted the weather on WSJS-TV in Winston-Salem, NC, at WFGA-TV in Jacksonville, FL, and for thirty-three years in Atlanta at WSB-TV and WXIA-TV. Also a well published author Beckman now devotes full time to writing fiction. He currently has several eBooks on, "Tropical Knights," first in a series of adventure/mysteries about a sailor and his lovely CIA cohort on a mission to save America. Now available the sequel, and second in the series: "Tropical Daze." The third Jack & Amy adventure is "Tropical Rage" which became available on 30 April 2014. All of his books are highlighted on and available from . .
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